Am I An Apostate?

When someone consciously leaves the Jehovah’s Witness religion, they are called an apostate by the organization. This derogatory term is used to describe someone that has rebelled against God. Even questioning the organization can earn someone the label of an apostate. 

To the average JW, apostates are the worst people on the planet. They are described in JW literature as “mentally diseased”. Satan is called the original apostate and those that chose to leave the religion are called his children. They are seen as a threat and a danger to one’s spirituality. This is how they are described in one JW reference work:

“In the Christian Greek Scriptures it is used primarily with regard to religious defection; a withdrawal or abandonment of the true cause, worship, and service of God, and hence an abandonment of what one has previously professed and a total desertion of principles or faith."

I wasn’t sure how I felt about being called an apostate by members of my former religion. Did I really desert my principles and faith? To some that have left, this appears to be a badge of honor. For others, it brings deep shame. Still others find it humorous.

Recently, I discovered my true feelings when I read this quote:

If you name me, you negate me. By giving me a name, a label, you negate all the other things I could possibly be.

– Søren Kierkegaard

The organization labels me as an apostate. A deranged, satanic, angry person capable of destroying a person’s spirituality just by being around them. By giving me this label they are attempting to negate my life and everything I stand for.

Will I accept that label? In an act of defiance, many have. They take the label as a defining characteristic of their personality. To show their bravery and rebellion against an organization that has hurt them, they gladly proclaim that they are APOSTATES. I think they have the absolute right to choose that path for themselves and I do not criticize them.

As I examine my feelings about this label I find that I choose differently. I could live the life of an apostate and rant against an organization bigger than I will ever be. I could spend time disproving doctrines that no one in the world cares about. I could research conspiracy theories of connections between the organization that duped me and powers greater than anyone can understand. And, as Kierkegaard said, I would limit myself. I could not be satisfied with living my life that way.

Humans were born to achieve the impossible. We have done it before as a species. Now it is time to do it as individuals. We must become more than the labels we are saddled with. We must become the truest expression of our individuality. It is time to shed the labels other people use to describe me.

No organization can define who I am. No person can pass a lasting judgment on me. Only I decide how my story will be told. Only I will be able to definitively say, “This is who I am!”

So, I have chosen to try to help those that have left the organization to adjust to life. I am working with several individuals and organizations to address some of the needs that former members have after leaving. There's a lot of ground to cover. Suicide prevention, psychological counseling, legal support. education, job searches, housing, and a lot more are all areas that ExJWs face. I know I can't do it all but I believe this is the best way for me to spend my resources.

I have come to realize we all have an important job to do. We must find our truest expression of self. We must discover our passionate art. We must become the person we want to be. That’s how I’ve decided to live.

I will not let an organization or an individual negate me with a label.