Next Life

"Think of the poor example you are setting by listening to music like this in front of the younger ones,” said the District Overseer as he held my Night Ranger cassette tape aloft. It was one of the worst moments of my 19-year existence. I had just been denounced by the representative of God Himself, in the West Texas/Eastern New Mexico area.  I was humiliated for a reason. I needed to learn submission to the organization of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I was being trained to obey. But, all I could think of was about how grateful I was that he hadn’t seen my Duran Duran, Def Leppard and Nine Inch Nails tapes.  Music was an area where I had no problem diverging from the Jehovah’s Witness norm. My tastes ran the entire spectrum. I listened to heavy metal, new wave, club, hip hop, and alternative. Fortunately, Texas Tech had a great college station playing very cutting edge music when I was growing up in the 80s. I got to hear a lot of great bands before they got popular. Eve

I was introduced to an interesting psychological concept that I believe many if not all, Jehovah’s Witnesses have. It’s something that ExJWs have to work past to find a meaningful life. It’s called “foreclosed identity”. Here’s the definition from the American Psychological Association dictionary: Foreclosed identity -  premature commitment to an identity: the unquestioning acceptance by individuals (usually adolescents) of the role, values, and goals that others (e.g., parents, close friends, teachers, athletic coaches) have chosen for them. The individual’s commitment to the foreclosed identity—for example, that of an athlete—occurs without exploring its value or contemplating alternative roles that might be more appropriate for him or her. If you grew up as one of Jehovah ’ s Witnesses, you recognize everything about this concept. We were given a role to play, a set of values to follow, and a goal in life to pursue. Accepting and adopting this identity was not optional.

Not every day is rosy. But, I’m one of the lucky ones.  I miss them a lot right now. I have had so many dreams about them this week. They were such an important part of who I have become. Now, they won’t even look at me. I bring them shame. I am worthy of death in their eyes. They taught me things I still use to this day. Of course, they also taught me things I don’t even want to think about. But, I learned from them. I love them. We used to laugh, play, and plan for the future together. But, I looked in another direction and they moved on. It doesn’t matter how well-adjusted you are to life outside the Jehovah’s Witness religion. There are going to be times when the loss of personal connections to those you love catches up to you. For me, it seems to happen when things are going really well. It’s as if my brain knows that I’m strong enough to process something that would overwhelm me on any other day. That’s when I get blasted with memories. This week was the f

When someone consciously leaves the Jehovah’s Witness religion, they are called an apostate by the organization. This derogatory term is used to describe someone that has rebelled against God. Even questioning the organization can earn someone the label of an apostate.  To the average JW, apostates are the worst people on the planet. They are described in JW literature as “mentally diseased”. Satan is called the original apostate and those that chose to leave the religion are called his children. They are seen as a threat and a danger to one’s spirituality. This is how they are described in one JW reference work: “I n the Christian Greek Scriptures it is used primarily with regard to religious defection; a withdrawal or abandonment of the true cause, worship, and service of God, and hence an abandonment of what one has previously professed and a total desertion of principles or faith ." I wasn’t sure how I felt about being called an apostate by members of my forme

This is going to sound weird to people outside of the Jehovah’s Witness religion but, you were my retirement plan. To understand this properly, you have to know what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe about the end of the world. They believe that they are the only true religion. Which means that the rest of you poor saps are going to be wiped out by God in a globally cataclysmic event known as Armageddon. This isn’t going to be some random nuclear war between nations. It is a divinely directed elimination of all humans not loyally attached to the JW organization. And, it is going to happen any day now. This is not a message they will preach to you openly. Their door to door work consists of luring people in with innocuous and vague subjects like:  “How to have a happy family” (ANSWER: Join Us!) “How to find true success”  (ANSWER: Join Us!) “What is the meaning of life”  (ANSWER: Join Us!) “Where can you find true happiness”  (ANSWER: Join Us!) PRO TIP: The answer to all

This is going to be a longer post than usual because this is a subject that needs a lot of attention. I am very concerned about the lack of psychological support for people coming out of high-control religions. The adjustment process of finally thinking for yourself can be very disorienting. It is intimidating, invigorating, frustrating, and fascinating to have total freedom for the first time in your life. Unfortunately, it can be so overwhelming that some have chosen to take their own lives. I know about this problem from personal experience. I have known nine people that have committed suicide. I know of more but these are nine people I knew personally. It should not be possible to know nine suicide victims. Other than being my friends and family, the only common denominator between them was their association with the Jehovah’s Witness religion.  I have started to meet ExJWs from all over the world. As we get to know each other, the subject of suicide seems to come up re

I’m not one for getting into Bible discussions anymore but, I have to start this post out with a scripture just for background, not to start any theological debates. When Jehovah’s Witnesses consider leaving the organization, the following Bible account is usually what comes to their minds: So Jesus said to the Twelve: “You do not want to go also, do you?” Simon Peter answered him: “Lord, whom shall we go away to? You have sayings of everlasting life." (John 6:67, 68) I would bet (because now I can) that most ExJWs have had an active JW say something like this to them, “Where will you go? There’s nothing worthwhile in the world. This is where we find the teachings of everlasting life.” The implication is clear. Why leave the organization? It's the only place you can ever be happy. It's part of the emotional blackmail that makes it difficult to ever leave. There was a time when this thought stopped me from fully investigating my own beliefs

One of the things you don’t think about when leaving a high-control religion is how it will affect your wardrobe. As an elder in the congregations of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I was expected to set an example of proper dress and grooming. So, I had plenty of suits, dress shirts, and ties for every occasion. There wasn’t much variation in the standard JW attire. Since JWs dress up for every meeting (2-3 per week) and when going door to door (5 or more times per week), I had a lot of “dress clothes”.  Casual clothes were also a bit “dressy” from an outsider's perspective. Social JW gatherings had all the fashion sense of a “Leave it to Beaver” episode. I didn’t have much in this category of clothing. When I realized I wanted to leave the Jehovah’s Witnesses behind, I changed a few things about my wardrobe. I wore lapel pins on my suit coat when I went to meetings. Each was a silent, symbolic protest against the organization. I started buying the loudest ties from the 40s and

Leaving the Jehovah’s Witness religion isn’t easy. You know that you will lose family and friends immediately after letting everyone know about your decision. This is a hard, often tragic situation. After being out for a while, you notice that there are plenty of friends and interests that you can finally be involved with. You enjoy your freedom and the fact that you are alive for the first time. But, amidst these wonderful times, there are dark days. I don’t know how to explain these days adequately. There are days when you feel an “otherness” in your life. You realize what an outsider you are. You don’t fit into the JW world and you don’t quite fit into the regular world around you. No matter what crowd you are in, you feel painfully alone. As everyone converses glibly about old college days (that you never had), politics (that you don’t understand), funny stories about acting crazy as a teen/young adult (which you never did), the adventures of their children (which you didn

I didn’t intend to write on this subject. But, it’s time to talk about something very serious. One of the main reasons I left Jehovah’s Witnesses was their abhorrent policies on child sexual abuse. When child sexual abuse occurs within the religion, it isn’t always reported to the authorities. Many times, the crime is handled by local elders under the direction of a Legal Department at Jehovah’s Witnesses’ headquarters. The Legal Department frequently instructs the elders to avoid contacting the police. Their policy is that they are under no obligation to call the authorities if it isn’t mandated by law. Even in states where it is mandated, they still avoid calling the police. This means that many pedophiles within the religion have never been held legally accountable for their crimes. It also means that when Jehovah’s Witnesses go to people’s homes, they might be sending a child molester to your door. These monsters have access to children and the authorities know nothing abou

One of the most beautiful things about my journey has been meeting people I never would have known before. Because of the moral values of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I never actively associated with members of the LGBTQI community. The religion classifies the entire group as sinners, worthy of destruction. They advocate suppression of any feelings that might indicate someone is gay. This has led to a lifetime of misery for many in the religion.  When I was a teenager, I had a very close friend. His name was Nathan. Nathan was one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and he was gay. There was no doubt in my mind that's who he really was because we talked about it. But, Nathan suppressed his “tendencies” and tried to live the life of a good Jehovah’s Witness. He got married and had a child. Then, he got divorced and lived alone. Sadly, he suffered several heart attacks during this period. Finally, Nathan committed suicide. I know this tragedy happened because of how Nathan was made to feel abo

Politics has been the toughest nut for me to crack so far. Jehovah’s Witnesses are taught to remain neutral to all politics in the world. No matter what the situation, country or problem, we were not allowed to get involved or even have an opinion. I walked through the world with blinders on and thought that someday God would step in and solve all mankind’s problems. Of course, he would have to destroy 99.9% of humanity to do it but, I somehow felt that was a small price to pay. Now that I’m no longer subject to “magical thinking”, I realize that there are real issues that must be dealt with by humans. I have to find a way to get involved and form opinions I’ve never had before. Needless to say, today’s political climate is probably the worst time to learn about this subject. It is confusing and frustrating for everyone, much less someone that has never paid attention to this area before. I am fiscally conservative but, I feel that everyone should be allowed to live life as

No matter what Jehovah’s Witnesses tell you, they are superstitious. There are sayings and practices they avoid because they feel it is displeasing to God. Since they don’t celebrate any holidays or birthdays, traditional greetings are on this list. For the first time in my life, I’ve really enjoyed being able to tell people to have a "Happy Thanksgiving" or a "Merry Christmas". Believe it or not, when you are in the organization you are trained to never return this greeting. At most, you are allowed to say “Thank you” if someone greets you that way. Can you imagine how awkward it is to return every “Happy New Year” with a “Thank you” as you walk away? I felt like an insane person every time a holiday would come around. But wait! There’s more. “Good luck” is also never said. They believe that the Bible calls Satan the god of luck. So, if you say “Good luck” you’re asking for Satan’s blessing. “Bless you” is another one. There’s a convoluted reason

You mean I’m going to die? Seriously, at some point I won’t exist? The vast majority of mankind knows they will have to die someday. However, as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I was taught that my human body would last forever. After Armageddon, I was going to be raised to human perfection and never experience death. I would live forever on a paradise Earth. This may not seem like a big deal. Many people believe that they will continue to exist in some form after death. But, they believe that they will have to die to achieve that state. I believed I would never die. Facing mortality has been a challenge. Accepting the fact that I will have to face death is a difficult concept to swallow when you reach middle age. I think most people have to struggle with this in their teens, twenties, and thirties. Coming to this realization for the first time in my fifties has been hard. I am having to accept the fact that the aging process I’m going through is normal and irreversible. T

This year I have posted pictures of myself I never would have dared to share before. They seem innocuous to most people because they’re pictures of birthday parties, Thanksgiving celebrations, and Christmas preparations. They’re things most people would be completely comfortable posting. But, I have only recently arrived at the freedom that allows me to post them. The religion I grew up in forbade those celebrations and special moments. They were viewed as pagan and worldly. Anyone celebrating those events was seen as participating in false religion. Posting such pictures would mark me as an apostate from my religion and I would be cut off from all family and friends still associated with them. The fear of being losing everyone I knew has led me to hide those pictures for the last couple of years.  But, I came to a decision a couple of months ago. This is my story. I’m the only one that gets to tell it. Others may have a story about my story but, that’s not the real story. I’m

I love to write. I created stories for myself before I was in school. If I had lived a normal life I would have been an author. But, I haven’t exactly lived a normal life. So, I have decided that I would write my story here. I don’t know that many people will read it. But, it makes me feel better to put it out there. From the time I was born in February 1969 to November 2016, I was one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. This is a group that most people ignore as irrelevant. They are known for knocking on doors at inopportune times trying to convince people to talk about the Bible. Other than that, little attention is paid to them. That lack of recognition is probably what makes them a subtle danger. When I was 47, I woke up to certain facts about the religion. That awakening led me to leave the group. Because Jehovah’s Witnesses are a high control religion, family members and friends loyal to the organization abandoned me. I have been labeled an apostate, a term used for anyone that leav