From Darkness to Light

I’m writing this post for people that have left the Jehovah’s Witness religion. I am not in danger or in need of additional help. I just want ExJWs to know that, if they are struggling, they’re not alone.

It’s been difficult to write new posts because of how dark things have gotten. My mental state has been very muddled and scary. The world situation seems very bleak and uncertain right now. This means it is a prime moment for my mind to revert back to the terrifying things we were taught.

I see what’s going on in the world and unconsciously start projecting what is coming. I used to do that a lot when I was a JW. After 9/11, I thought I knew exactly how the world was going to start fulfilling Bible prophecies that lead to Armageddon. I felt certain that we would finally see the end of Satan’s old world.

I don’t believe any of that anymore. I can’t fathom any scenario where a Supreme Being would feel the need to prove his power by destroying the vast majority of mankind. 

However, because of almost five decades of training, my brain automatically starts forecasting the future based on current events. I don’t project Armageddon anymore but, I formulate dire scenarios about people’s finances, the increasing death toll, food shortages, the new way we have to interact with each other, and many other situations that have become common today.

I’ll be honest, it’s dark in my head. It seems like it gets darker every day. In the past, I had the safety net of God’s New World to help soften the impact of any bleak event. Now, I’m alone with my thoughts and those are not safe.

I’ve realized that I really can’t trust what my mind is doing. This is a relic of my past that should be ignored. Regardless of whether I’m right or not, it isn’t helpful to look far into the future and try to plan for the worst. So, I’m going to take a different approach. I'm going to follow the example of others.

I’m very lucky to have a new family that has never been in the JW organization. I can look at them and see that my thought patterns are not on target. I have a brother-in-law that goes to work at his restaurant every day to care for the public and provide for his family. I have a sister-in-law that teaches her students remotely and cares for her three daughters. I have a mother-in-law and father-in-law that keep moving forward with their lives even though they’re isolated. I have a wife that works hard at her job and then works on our new home at night. Their lives are different and more difficult but, they all do what they can to keep life on a positive track. This is where my focus needs to be.

If I didn’t have them, I’d look for other examples of people that aren’t cowering in fear of the future but living for today. I think that’s the remedy for the troubled thinking that I’ve been having. I think that’s what those of us who have left a high-control religion have to do. Look for the everyday heroes to figure out what’s real.

There are so many examples of people who keep moving forward despite today's problems. Look at the doctors and nurses, grocery store workers, restaurant workers, construction workers, and the others that are doing their best each day. Hear their thoughts about the future. Find an opinion outside of your mind to listen to.

None of us know where this is going. But, if we focus on the negative aspects, we will build a negative future. Look for those that keep a smile on their face, even on the darkest days. If you need to escape from a terrifying train of thoughts, find someone else to talk to.

For those of us trained to look for doomsday, this is a scary time. We must look to those that see the future with hope and learn from them.