JWs, ExJWs, and Suicide
This is going to be a longer post than usual because this is a subject that needs a lot of attention. I am very concerned about the lack of psychological support for people coming out of high-control religions. The adjustment process of finally thinking for yourself can be very disorienting. It is intimidating, invigorating, frustrating, and fascinating to have total freedom for the first time in your life. Unfortunately, it can be so overwhelming that some have chosen to take their own lives.
I know about this problem from personal experience. I have known nine people that have committed suicide. I know of more but these are nine people I knew personally. It should not be possible to know nine suicide victims. Other than being my friends and family, the only common denominator between them was their association with the Jehovah’s Witness religion.
I have started to meet ExJWs from all over the world. As we get to know each other, the subject of suicide seems to come up regularly. So far, almost everyone I have talked to knows multiple victims of suicide from the religion. There is no accurate way to calculate the catastrophic loss of life this implies. It is possible that there are thousands in the U.S. alone.
Decades ago, people were outraged and sickened by the tragic mass suicide in Jonestown, Guyana. That horrible crime claimed over 900 people in the name of religion.
The death toll for suicide victims among Jehovah’s Witnesses (current and former members), surely far exceeds that of Jonestown. Where is the outcry for them? Where is there a place for them to turn when they are in their most desperate state? Why do so few see this tragedy happening before our eyes? What can be done?
First of all, if you are experiencing any thoughts of self-harm or suicidal tendencies, please let someone know. Reach out to a close friend, a trusted therapist, a hotline, or someone that you know loves you. You will be surprised at how understanding and compassionate people are when they know you are at a breaking point. If you choose the right person to talk to, they won’t dismiss what you are saying. They will listen, show you love, and help you.
Secondly, remember that the thoughts you are having can be conquered. It will take effort and trust in others but, they can be overcome. Any circumstance, no matter how desperate it appears, can be changed. Many have come back from the dark place you are in now. Listen to their stories and solutions.
Third, the religion that has made you feel worthless, unloved, and hopeless is at least partially responsible for your situation. Whether you are experiencing financial issues due to lack of training, existential issues because of the harsh doctrines you were taught, or you feel unloved and unworthy of love, remember that these feelings are as false as the organization that gave them to you. You have value. The world needs to hear your song. Please don’t let a flawed religion deprive the world of seeing you live your story.
I know how painful these feelings are because I’ve been there. I reached a breaking point years ago, while I was disfellowshipped. If I hadn’t been interrupted by someone, I would not be here. I am grateful I wasn’t able to carry out my permanent plan for the temporary problem facing me.
There are many resources available to help you through this crisis. Here is a list of phone numbers from around the world that you can use:
Please keep this page handy for times when you feel desperate and don’t know what to do:
Although I may not know you, I want to hear your story. I want the chance to meet you, learn about you, and learn from you.
I send heartfelt love to all of you that are hurting. Please stick around long enough for us to become friends.
Hi Michael, Thank you for writing this post. The issue you raise is so important. As a born-in JW and an now an ex-JW. I know too many former JW who have, or had, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide or committed suicide. You are not alone in this. Leaving or being thrown out of an authoritarian group or cult, whatever you want to call it, is one thing but finding the support you need to move on is another. I agree we need to do more to support former members ánd their mental health professionals (if they are willing). In Europe, where I live, are suicidal thoughts, suicidal attempts and suicides among former JW, just as alarming. The effect of growing up in a controlling, manipulative, authoritarian environment is often not taken into account. Not even by the survivors themselves. That needs to change. More insight helps to make sense out of it all and helps to understand why we do what we do and why we feel what we feel. Every person that we can reach to prevent suicide is worth our efforts....
ReplyDeleteThank you again, Michael, for raising this issue. Warm regards, Frances Peters
https://www.stronger-after.org
https://www.openmindsfoundation.org/impact-on-children-of-being-born-intoraised-in-a-cultic-group/
Frances,
DeleteThank you for posting these resources. I can personally vouch for the help I have received from your counseling and insight.
If anyone needs a compassionate, experienced resource for recovery, please visit the sites above.
Michael
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