The Feeling of "Otherness"


Leaving the Jehovah’s Witness religion isn’t easy. You know that you will lose family and friends immediately after letting everyone know about your decision. This is a hard, often tragic situation.

After being out for a while, you notice that there are plenty of friends and interests that you can finally be involved with. You enjoy your freedom and the fact that you are alive for the first time.

But, amidst these wonderful times, there are dark days. I don’t know how to explain these days adequately. There are days when you feel an “otherness” in your life. You realize what an outsider you are. You don’t fit into the JW world and you don’t quite fit into the regular world around you.

No matter what crowd you are in, you feel painfully alone. As everyone converses glibly about old college days (that you never had), politics (that you don’t understand), funny stories about acting crazy as a teen/young adult (which you never did), the adventures of their children (which you didn’t have), great movies and concerts (which you weren’t allowed to attend), or other subjects that you have never experienced, you feel isolated, even ashamed of your lack of experience. You are an alien everywhere you go. And, it hurts.

I don’t know what the answer to this problem is. I don’t have any great suggestions for coping with this feeling because I get overwhelmed by it frequently. My current theory is that you have to keep pushing your boundaries and experiencing things so that you can join in everyone else's conversation someday.

Just know that if you’ve ever felt this way, you are not alone. It is something that many of us struggle with after leaving a high-control religion. We were handed a pre-packaged world and told it was the “best life ever”. After discovering it to be a fraud, we have to work through the process of finding our own “best life ever”. It’s a lonely process, regardless of how much support and love we have in our life.

If you are experiencing this, please hang on. Find others that have left the religion to talk to. Find qualified counselors and therapists that can assist. You don’t have to be alone through the process. The feeling of “otherness” is normal when you make a huge shift in life, as we have.

Keep on going, one step at a time. You do belong in this world. You will find your place.

Comments

  1. Tom F.January 11, 2020 at 8:14 AM

    Excellent points as always. I always had an interest in politics, but could not vote. Screw that. I am a citizen and will use my freedom others fought for.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Am I An Apostate?

Image
When someone consciously leaves the Jehovah’s Witness religion, they are called an apostate by the organization. This derogatory term is used to describe someone that has rebelled against God. Even questioning the organization can earn someone the label of an apostate.  To the average JW, apostates are the worst people on the planet. They are described in JW literature as “mentally diseased”. Satan is called the original apostate and those that chose to leave the religion are called his children. They are seen as a threat and a danger to one’s spirituality. This is how they are described in one JW reference work: “I n the Christian Greek Scriptures it is used primarily with regard to religious defection; a withdrawal or abandonment of the true cause, worship, and service of God, and hence an abandonment of what one has previously professed and a total desertion of principles or faith ." I wasn’t sure how I felt about being called an apostate by members of my forme
Read more

Being Disfellowshipped Isn't The End!

Image
“We feel it would be the loving thing to disfellowship you.” I believe those were the words that changed my life.  To clarify, I am not currently disfellowshipped or disassociated from the organization of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Mainly, because I don’t want to play by their rules. I have chosen to separate myself from their religion. That decision has closed many doors and opened even more. But, this statement, made to me by a judicial committee supposedly formed to help me with my addiction to pain killers, made me realize how hollow their offers of help really were. As a former elder, I knew the focus of every judicial meeting was to “keep the congregation clean”, not to help the person that had asked for assistance. Still, I expected more. When I was told that the “loving thing” would be to isolate me during my time of greatest need, I knew something was wrong. I spent several years in perpetual humiliation as I attended meetings, ignored by everyone I knew. Friends
Read more

Find Your "Truth"

Image
I’ve taken quite a break from writing blog posts because I’ve been on a quest. The main reason I started this blog was to be open about my process of recovery from being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I wanted other survivors to know they weren't alone. We go through many of the same phases or recovery because the source of our trauma is the same. But, I decided to take a step back and try to do some hard work on myself. I recently uncovered some painful memories and wasn’t sure I could handle it. So, I went on a quest within. It was time for me to really work on what I believed about life, the universe, and everything. I was able to work through my trauma using a belief system I had constructed myself. I found a way to frame the past so that it wouldn’t hurt me, enjoy the day given to me, and look to the future with hope. It has been a truly empowering experience. This seems to be part of our journey as humans, not just former members of a high control group. We all must find a “tr
Read more