Next Life

I wanted to follow up on my last post with some helpful tools for dealing with emotional flashbacks. If you have left a high-control religion, like Jehovah’s Witnesses, there’s a very good chance you will experience some of the symptoms of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). This is different than PTSD and is more emotional in nature. When we hear about PTSD or flashbacks we typically think of the movie or television portrayal of vivid images engulfing someone. In those scenes it shows the sufferer experiencing a traumatic event all over again, complete with pictures, sounds, smells, and whatever else accompanied the initial event. Individuals who suffer from C-PTSD have emotional flashbacks. Instead of experiencing sensory reminders of an event, they feel all of the emotions associated with the initial trauma. So if you were abused verbally as a child, hearing harsh criticism can bring on all of the feelings of being a small, defenseless person seeking safety and receiving none. There is a wide

Well, I hit a really rough patch. These are normal in life and I expect them. But, this one was particularly dark and it was related to my JW days.  We just went through a long, intense move to a new place. I’m happy we made this move and I think it’s going to be so much better for us in the long run. But, it really drained all of my energy. Plus, I feel like I’m still recovering emotionally and mentally from leaving the organization and those that I loved. So, my defenses were low. Then, I made a big mistake. I listened to a YouTube episode that discussed recent developments with the JWs. Part of the coverage included a leaked Zoom meeting announcement someone recorded. Just hearing the phrases and arrangements being made pushed every dangerous button in my head. Suddenly, I was questioning everything about my life. Had I made the wrong choice in leaving the religion? Was I going to die at Armageddon as a condemned apostate? Why had I wasted my youth and potential as a JW if I was j

This is a serious time for us all. We’re being asked to look at ourselves, our unconscious acceptance of wrong, and our personal complicity. We always have room for improvement. We all need to change. For ExJWs, this moment should feel familiar. We’ve been through the process of waking up before. We’ve struggled through the process of sacrificing our most precious beliefs to take a stand for what is right. We’ve shown that we’re willing to stretch ourselves to become more than we believed possible. This moment is upon us again. Do you remember the process of questioning, investigating, deliberating, and choices that you went through when you left the organization? It took soul-searching, gut-wrenching, life-changing decisions, (some small, others larger) to reach the point you are at now. Would you change any of those decisions now? Even knowing the pain involved in that growth process, would you choose any other path? Large changes are rarely planned. Who of us would ever have guess

I’ve taken quite a break from writing blog posts because I’ve been on a quest. The main reason I started this blog was to be open about my process of recovery from being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I wanted other survivors to know they weren't alone. We go through many of the same phases or recovery because the source of our trauma is the same. But, I decided to take a step back and try to do some hard work on myself. I recently uncovered some painful memories and wasn’t sure I could handle it. So, I went on a quest within. It was time for me to really work on what I believed about life, the universe, and everything. I was able to work through my trauma using a belief system I had constructed myself. I found a way to frame the past so that it wouldn’t hurt me, enjoy the day given to me, and look to the future with hope. It has been a truly empowering experience. This seems to be part of our journey as humans, not just former members of a high control group. We all must find a “tr

There have been a lot of articles and books written over the years about “highly sensitive people” and “empaths”. Usually, these sources contain lists of common traits that identify someone as “highly sensitive”. Instead of recreating these lists, I’ll just mention a few identifiers: You feel other people’s pain as if it were your own, even if you don’t know them very well You can read the mood of a room quickly and accurately You can be overwhelmed by emotional situations, even if you aren’t directly involved People open up to you quickly because you are an active listener You are often asked for advice Tragic news and catastrophic events have a deep emotional impact on you You love deeply and without limits You can be easily hurt by those you love, even if it is an accident You can calm and soothe people under stress You feel compelled to help others You need time to be alone and recharge You can be deeply moved by artistic expressions and na

“We feel it would be the loving thing to disfellowship you.” I believe those were the words that changed my life.  To clarify, I am not currently disfellowshipped or disassociated from the organization of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Mainly, because I don’t want to play by their rules. I have chosen to separate myself from their religion. That decision has closed many doors and opened even more. But, this statement, made to me by a judicial committee supposedly formed to help me with my addiction to pain killers, made me realize how hollow their offers of help really were. As a former elder, I knew the focus of every judicial meeting was to “keep the congregation clean”, not to help the person that had asked for assistance. Still, I expected more. When I was told that the “loving thing” would be to isolate me during my time of greatest need, I knew something was wrong. I spent several years in perpetual humiliation as I attended meetings, ignored by everyone I knew. Friends