Forbidden Practices

No matter what Jehovah’s Witnesses tell you, they are superstitious. There are sayings and practices they avoid because they feel it is displeasing to God.

Since they don’t celebrate any holidays or birthdays, traditional greetings are on this list. For the first time in my life, I’ve really enjoyed being able to tell people to have a "Happy Thanksgiving" or a "Merry Christmas". Believe it or not, when you are in the organization you are trained to never return this greeting. At most, you are allowed to say “Thank you” if someone greets you that way. Can you imagine how awkward it is to return every “Happy New Year” with a “Thank you” as you walk away? I felt like an insane person every time a holiday would come around.

But wait! There’s more.

“Good luck” is also never said. They believe that the Bible calls Satan the god of luck. So, if you say “Good luck” you’re asking for Satan’s blessing.

“Bless you” is another one. There’s a convoluted reason for this that I can’t quite remember. It was something about a medieval superstition being the origin of this saying. People used to believe sneezing meant a demon was coming out. I’ve spent my whole life staring at people that have just sneezed, terrified to say anything to them for fear of summoning a demon.

Toasting is also forbidden. Apparently, the clinking of glasses is part of some pagan ritual that honors false gods.

As with many high-control religions, these rules don’t really make much sense. They are there to control behavior and train members to obey implicitly. As we were always told, if you’re faithful in little things, you’ll be faithful in big things.

I have found glorious freedom in saying every forbidden saying there is, even when it isn’t appropriate. I will holiday greet the hell out of anyone I see, regardless of how far away the holiday is. I will yell “Bless you” after people sneeze, burp or hiccup. I will toast my reflection in the mirror every night with the cap of my mouthwash bottle. And, I will wish you “Good luck” as you sit down to watch TV.

Maybe I’m a bit too enthusiastic about this stuff. But, I feel like a kid with a new toy and I love it.

Good luck!

Happy holidays!

Bless you!

And, here’s looking at you, kid!