I Need a New Retirement Plan


This is going to sound weird to people outside of the Jehovah’s Witness religion but, you were my retirement plan.

To understand this properly, you have to know what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe about the end of the world. They believe that they are the only true religion. Which means that the rest of you poor saps are going to be wiped out by God in a globally cataclysmic event known as Armageddon. This isn’t going to be some random nuclear war between nations. It is a divinely directed elimination of all humans not loyally attached to the JW organization. And, it is going to happen any day now.

This is not a message they will preach to you openly. Their door to door work consists of luring people in with innocuous and vague subjects like: 
“How to have a happy family” (ANSWER: Join Us!)
“How to find true success”  (ANSWER: Join Us!)
“What is the meaning of life”  (ANSWER: Join Us!)
“Where can you find true happiness”  (ANSWER: Join Us!)
PRO TIP: The answer to all of their questions is: JOIN US!
SUPERPRO TIP: Tell them you’re an apostate and they’ll leave you alone forever!

Once interest is shown, they progress to offering a free home Bible study. This is actually a study of JW publications that have been written with cherry-picked scriptures that seem to back up their doctrines.

Those of you smart enough not to take the bait are seen as marked for destruction by God unless you change your mind. This is where the JW retirement plan comes into play. 

After Armageddon, when all of you godless heathens have been reduced to ashes and bird food, there’s going to be a lot of cool stuff lying around. Houses, cars, boats, and all manner of luxuries will be available for the JW scavengers to enjoy.

I can’t tell you how many times I heard conversations like, “After Armageddon, that’s the house I’m going to live in. I’m taking that boat too. I’ll finally be able to enjoy my life in paradise.”

To me, the saddest part is that JWs literally do not enjoy life now. They hope and dream for a world to come where they can finally grab all the things they wish they had now. Their dreams, ideas, and passions are all sacrificed now for the possibility of a vague promise of paradise. They crush their personality to nothing for a world they pray will come someday.

Now that I’m out, I have realized the problems that result from living this way. I never took saving for retirement seriously. Putting money away for old age seemed ludicrous to me. I was never supposed to grow old. Armageddon was going to come well before I’d reach an age where retirement was a consideration. Of course, that’s what my great-grandparents, grandparents, and parents thought too. They have all either passed away or have had to retire on meager resources.

Thinking about the future is still challenging for me. The idea of growing old and eventually dying isn’t easy to grasp. I don’t think this is an issue unique to ExJWs. But, I have some catching up to do. 


So, it’s time to start socking it away for retirement and accept the fact that I’m never going to live in your house.  

Comments

  1. True cult indoctrination. We'll sell you with the grand promises, and then suck you into all the nutty beliefs. I was like you. 401K, who needs that? All the wasted talent sacrificed because of imminent Armageddon. I'm sad for me and all the others who were fed these false doctrines. Go to college, get educated and start saving now!

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