Struggling with Mortality

You mean I’m going to die? Seriously, at some point I won’t exist?

The vast majority of mankind knows they will have to die someday. However, as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I was taught that my human body would last forever. After Armageddon, I was going to be raised to human perfection and never experience death. I would live forever on a paradise Earth.

This may not seem like a big deal. Many people believe that they will continue to exist in some form after death. But, they believe that they will have to die to achieve that state. I believed I would never die.

Facing mortality has been a challenge. Accepting the fact that I will have to face death is a difficult concept to swallow when you reach middle age. I think most people have to struggle with this in their teens, twenties, and thirties. Coming to this realization for the first time in my fifties has been hard.

I am having to accept the fact that the aging process I’m going through is normal and irreversible. The health problems I have are not going to magically disappear after a worldwide cataclysm after all. The joints that ache, the hair I lose, the declining energy levels are all parts of my life that are not going away. They will continue to worsen and eventually I will die.

It may seem morbid to think this way. But, this is a core concept of being human. It’s a concept I now have to accept. Honestly, it’s a bit terrifying to have the rug of eternal life yanked out from underneath me. The safety net of being cured of all my ailments and raised to everlasting life as a human kept me going for decades. It was the only coping mechanism I had for the aging process.

Now, what do I do? How can I frame this completely human experience in my mind so that it’s easier to accept?

I understand why people cling to religious beliefs about death. The idea of not existing in some form is pretty terrifying. But, I’m not willing to submit to someone else’s concept of an afterlife just to make it through the day.

So, I’ve done a lot of reading, thinking, and writing about what this subject means to me. I’ve been able to cobble together an idea that works for me. It’s not an idea I feel compelled to share with anyone. I think this is a very personal subject that we all have to struggle with on our own. But, I do think that each person has to find a place within themselves that can cope with the idea of death. We all have to reach a point that enables us to enjoy today, and only today.

Worrying about something that cannot be controlled is the surest way to waste life. If I can’t fix it, why stress about it? There is enough beauty and laughter and love every day to give me the motivation to keep going. The unknown will become known when it is time. Or, it won’t become known at all. Either way, I will only be able to enjoy life if I decide that today is enough for me.