Mind Control and Self-Identity

I’m amazed at how strong mind control can be. When you belong to a high-control group your entire life, you trust that everything you are directed to do is beneficial. Even when it grates against your personal values, you push through and follow directions. Your mind never gives you room to ask questions or doubt what you are told to do. Until it does.

As an elder, I never questioned the policies and procedures used in dealing with people’s problems. I trusted that what I was told to do was the best for everyone. I believed it all came from Jehovah, the Creator of the Universe. Who was I to question His direction?

When a member of the congregation comes to an elder with problems or confesses an act defined as a “sin” within the group, the procedure is pretty clear. There are stock scriptures to share with people dealing with depression and other “emotional” problems but, they don’t deal with the practical matters needed to really help a person. 

If a supposed “sin” has been committed, a judicial committee is formed to determine if the person is repentant or not. This meeting will automatically result in some form of punishment, either the loss of certain “privileges” in the congregation or total expulsion from the group.

It wasn’t until I was on the other side of the table, confessing my “sin”, that I recognized how broken this method of dealing with people really was. I had come to the elders for help to stop what was turning into an uncontrollable problem. What I received was a condemnation. Because I had not conquered this problem on my own, I was disfellowshipped, shunned by everyone in my life until I got my issue under control. The sentence passed still echoes in my mind, “We believe the loving thing to do would be to disfellowship you.”

Oddly, I understand exactly why the elders said this. It didn’t make it easier at the time but, I know why they felt this was necessary. It was because this was the only thing they had been trained to do. They have no methods for dealing with heavy issues like addiction, mental illness, broken families, or other complex problems. They simply had no idea what I needed at that point.

The elders are given a book that outlines most of the scenarios they might face. In each case, regardless of the issues involved, the formula is to determine whether a person is “repentant” based on a list of characteristics beyond just feeling sorry for what has been done. These “works that befit repentance” include things like meeting attendance, prayers for forgiveness, righting the wrong,  going from door to door, and the nebulous category “evidence of Jehovah’s blessing”. If they aren’t satisfied that all of the criteria have been met, they declare the person “unrepentant” and remove them from the organization.

The very basic qualities of compassion, patience, and practical assistance are not part of the procedure, even though they are discussed as necessary for elders. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t loving elders. But, they are handicapped by the rigid outline they must follow, which is devoid of these qualities. In addition, they feel that this cold method of handling problems is a form of “tough love” that will shock a person back to their senses.

In the many judicial committees I served on, I tried to side with the more compassionate view. But, I was constrained in how much mercy could be shown. I have been on committees that have disfellowshipped or imposed restrictions on people. I used to explain it as being in the "time-out corner” with Jehovah. This would be the time they could focus on just healing their damaged relationship with God. That’s the best explanation I could come up with at the time. Now, I see how hard I was trying to justify not having the tools to truly help a person.

I think this illustrates the power of mind control. By nature, I forgive and try to assist others as much as possible. But, the training and direction I received as an elder overrode my natural tendencies. I completely believed and trusted in the organization’s procedures. I had no doubt I was doing the right thing, even though it wasn’t how I wanted to behave.

If you were ever one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, you know what I’m talking about. Why else would we voluntarily go door to door and disrupt people’s lives? Why else would we shun friends and family that were deemed “unrepentant”? Why else would we yearn for a cataclysmic event that would wipe out the vast majority of humanity? These are not natural tendencies any of us had. But, our minds were constantly groomed to believe this was proper behavior.

Disarming mind control has been a very interesting process. It’s a bit shocking and unnerving to see how my past behavior contrasts with who I am becoming. I feel a lot of guilt, regret, and anger over the past. I have no doubt there are many former elders who aren’t proud of their behavior either.

I keep myself going by knowing that I eventually did make the right decision. I didn’t let mind control override my morality for my entire life. When I realized I was faced with the choice between staying true to myself or being loyal to an organization, I made the tough choice and learned to stand up for what I thought was right. 

Everyone has to face that decision point sometime. Are we going to stay true to ourselves or go along with the crowd? It's really a matter of what we want our life’s message to be: "I am me" or “I am us”. Current Jehovah’s Witnesses, especially elders, should seriously consider a crucial question. At the end of my life, will I be comfortable with the choice I made regarding my true identity?