Religious Trauma Syndrome
How long does it take to recover from being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses or any other high-control religion? I have often wondered this and I have a feeling that many ExJWs have as well. There are friends, family members, and outsiders that were never JWs who ask, “Why can’t they just move on?”
Unfortunately for those of us who have left a high-control religion, it is hard for others to understand the impact and devastation of losing an entire worldview and social structure. To them, it should be like changing churches, or like dealing with any other life change. Just “buck up and move on”, is the advice we’re often given. It’s not their fault. There is simply no way for them to relate to our experience.
This doesn’t mean that others don’t try to help. It doesn’t negate their efforts to patiently allow us to grieve and process what has happened. But, it is difficult for many to understand why we can’t just “move on”, even years later.
What most people don’t understand is that leaving a high-control religion often leads to something called Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS). This is related to Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome and, when viewed this way, may help others understand those suffering.
A three-part article published by Dr. Marlene Winell provides a thorough examination of what Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS) is, how it impacts people, and what can be done to treat it:
There is a lot of information in these articles but, if you are interested in understanding what you or a loved one are going through after leaving a high-control religion, it is worth the time to at least glance at them.
Dr. Winell makes some excellent points regarding RTS victims:
- With RTS, the social context is completely different from other trauma recovery situations. Natural disaster experiences, childhood sexual abuse or family violence are all understandable to friends and professionals who are likely to be sympathetic and supportive.
- Anger for other kinds of abuse is considered normal and acceptable, whereas ex-believers are supposed to forgive and ‘not throw the baby out with the bathwater’. They are called too sensitive or accused of taking religion the wrong way. People understand nightmares about wartime combat but not about Armageddon. Expressing feelings is usually dangerous. Too often, the result is a shaming attack rather than support, i.e., ‘blaming the victim’.
- RTS victims feel very alone because, except on certain online forums, there is virtually no public discourse in our society about trauma or emotional abuse due to religion.
- A person healing and recovering needs to unlearn many dysfunctional ways of thinking and behaving and then rebuild. They are faced with reconstructing reality, in essence. The old assumptive world is gone and a new one must be built. A new sense of self has to be developed, and personal responsibility for life has to be accepted. The existential crisis can be enormous when one feels entirely groundless and must start over.
Here are a few key dysfunctions that occur in people suffering from RTS:
- Cognitive: Confusion, difficulty with decision-making and critical thinking, dissociation, identity confusion
- Affective: Anxiety, panic attacks, depression, suicidal ideation, anger, grief, guilt, loneliness, lack of meaning
- Functional: Sleep and eating disorders, nightmares, sexual dysfunction, substance abuse, somatization
- Social/cultural: Rupture of family and social network, employment issues, financial stress, problems acculturating into society, interpersonal dysfunction
Even with ongoing treatment and recovery attempts, RTS will likely impact a person that has left a high-control religion for years, maybe decades. It is not something that can be shaken off any more than a soldier returning from war can shake off the impact of the suffering they have been through.
In addition to the psychological impact mentioned above, there are tangible losses as well. Fortunately, most people don’t have to experience the things that plague those who leave a high-control religion. But, that makes it difficult for them to understand these things:
- Losing an entire social structure, including all close family members and friends, being alone for extended periods
- Being ridiculed, blamed, and called names by current members of the religion, including loved ones
- Losing a coherent view of the world and meaning in life, not knowing why you are alive
- Not having the education or skills to find a well-paying job, suffering financial hardship
- Dealing with any additional abuse (physical and sexual) suffered at the hands of the religion’s members
- Losing a place to live because of being kicked out by active members of the religion
- Not understanding basic finances and retirement planning, having no safety net
- Self-destructive tendencies, including suicidal thoughts, to escape the fear of divine judgment
There is a lot to deal with and it won’t just go away or heal overnight, regardless of how good a person’s life may appear to be.
The good news? There are ways to deal with it and start down the long road to recovery.
- The most important step is to find a qualified, licensed counselor that understands the issues resulting from RTS. When considering who to chose, you might even ask them if they are familiar with RTS and if they have dealt with other patients who have it. Don’t settle for a counselor that doesn’t have experience in this area.
- Find or create a network of supportive friends. There are many ExJW communities online or through services like Meetup. It may take courage to talk to them at first but, you will find individuals that know what you are going through firsthand. Get phone numbers, emails, social media information, whatever you need to keep in touch with those that understand the unique issues you face.
- Read, research, and relate to scholarly articles and books about recovering from RTS. There isn’t much discussion about this topic yet but, a quick Google search will provide you with resources on the subject. Broaden this research into other psychological and emotional issues that feel applicable.
- Find your own path in life. Experiment, fail, find a new experiment, and fail again until you find what suits you. We were taught failure was a sin but it’s not. It’s how we learn who we are.
- Don’t give up. There are going to be times when you want to give up. There are going to be times when you need to be alone. There are going to be times when you need to scream, yell, and let your anger out. Sometimes you will need to cry, talk about your pain, and process the losses. Do what you need to do. Just don’t give up.
- Try to understand that not many people understand what you’re going through. For a person to truly relate to you, they would need to go through the same experiences you have. So, when well-meaning advice sounds harsh or uncaring, remember that they are trying to help, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
I cannot reiterate enough the need to not give up. According to research, and other people’s experiences, there is another side to the pain. We can get to a place of acceptance, calm, and happiness. Many survive and thrive beyond the impact that comes from leaving a high-control religion.
For those trying to support us in our recovery, please understand that we didn’t just leave a church. We don’t like the way we feel any more than you do. There are multiple issues that we are trying to deal with. The trauma is spiritual, emotional, mental, physical, and sometimes sexual in nature. It isn’t just one thing. It’s a complex web of conflicting and overwhelming thoughts and emotions that we cannot easily explain or deal with. Just give us time, space, and reassurance when you don’t know what to do. Be patient, listen without judgment, don’t underestimate our experience based on your own, and help us see what is possible through our recovery.
So, how long does it take to recover from being in a high-control religion? As long as it needs to.
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