The Drama Triangle

How much drama was there in your congregation? We moved around a lot when I was a kid and I continued doing so as an adult. So, I was in a lot of congregations of Jehovah’s Witnesses. They all had their individual personality quirks but, there was always one characteristic I could count on: DRAMA.

Every single congregation had drama. There were so many different versions of it: disagreements between elders, fights between the pioneers, territory disputes, people sleeping around with other members, juvenile mischief, etc. It never failed. There was going to be drama.

I learned the reason why a couple of years ago in a discussion with a mental health professional. There is a model of social interaction called the Karpman Drama Triangle. In this structure, people play one of these roles: victim, persecutor, or rescuer. They might fall predominantly into one of these roles but, they can float between the three as well. Sometimes, people can change roles in the midst of a conversation.

Do these roles sound like anything you’ve seen in congregations of Jehovah’s Witnesses? 

The Victim - This person seems to think the world is out to get them. They act powerless in the face of obstacles and trials. Instead of solving problems for themselves, they look for someone to either figure it out or rescue them from it. This person’s signature characteristics are feelings of being oppressed, helpless, hopeless, ashamed and indecisive. They seem unable to solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight.

The Rescuer - This person’s purpose in life is to save others. They thrive in situations that call for them to be the hero. But, this isn’t an entirely altruistic endeavor. Focusing on other people’s problems enables them to avoid fixing their own issues. They are skillful at getting involved in things that are not really their business.

The Persecutor - This person is a master at making others feel guilty, inadequate and inferior. Through words and deeds, they convey the message that others don’t measure up, are at fault, need someone to control them and will never be quite right without guidance. They often come across as authoritative, rigid and superior.

How about now? Sound like anyone you know?

Here’s the interesting part: this isn’t just a problem with Jehovah’s Witnesses. This is something you find everywhere.

If I find myself in the midst of drama, I try to pull back and spot this pattern. Sure enough, someone is critical, someone is taking the heat, and someone is trying to save them. 

I think it feels more prevalent in high-control groups, like Jehovah’s Witnesses, because it is a very insular community. It’s like a pressure cooker building over and over again with fresh drama. In a closed group, there is little chance of growing beyond these three roles.

I am grateful that being in that pressure cooker has taught me an important lesson about human interaction. I have gained a tool for coping with times when the drama seems to be coming from everywhere.