Next Life

I found a stash of old journals that I wrote during the darkest period of my life. My marriage was failing. I had been removed as an elder and pioneer. I had been disfellowshipped from the only religion I had ever known. And, my friends and family had cut me off. It’s a rough read. But occasionally, I find something interesting.  It appears that, even though I didn't leave the Jehovah’s Witness religion until November 2016, the rumblings of my departure started much earlier. I still believed that JWs were the only true religion when I wrote this. That belief was a crushing weight for me. I wrote this entry on January 4, 2011: “Another year creeps by and leads me toward oblivion. What will I leave behind? How can any of my actions amount to anything when the very canvas they are written on will fade away? How can I choose a direction and purpose for my life when I know nothing will last? If nothing lasts, why am I forced to live? I cannot find answers that satisfy m...

I’m writing this post for people that have left the Jehovah’s Witness religion. I am not in danger or in need of additional help. I just want ExJWs to know that, if they are struggling, they’re not alone. It’s been difficult to write new posts because of how dark things have gotten. My mental state has been very muddled and scary. The world situation seems very bleak and uncertain right now. This means it is a prime moment for my mind to revert back to the terrifying things we were taught. I see what’s going on in the world and unconsciously start projecting what is coming. I used to do that a lot when I was a JW. After 9/11, I thought I knew exactly how the world was going to start fulfilling Bible prophecies that lead to Armageddon. I felt certain that we would finally see the end of Satan’s old world. I don’t believe any of that anymore. I can’t fathom any scenario where a Supreme Being would feel the need to prove his power by destroying the vast majority of mankind...

I’ve decided to take a break from writing about serious subjects and just write for fun. Things have been way too serious lately. I guess a worldwide pandemic will do that. Instead, I want to tell you about my favorite teacher. Duncan is my five-pound Yorkie. He’s seven years old and I believe he’s one of the wisest creatures I’ve ever known. In fact, here are ten things I have learned from this furry Yoda. Don’t overdramatize injuries I’ve watched Duncan shake off tumbles, falls, and crashes without making a sound. Why? Because he’s having too much fun playing. He values his playtime more than his pain. I think this is an important lesson. If I only focus on my problems and issues, even if they are serious, I don’t enjoy life. Plus, people tend to leave complainers out of fun events. Watch out for situations that can hurt, even if you look like a coward Because Duncan is small, he flinches and runs to avoid potential injuries. The sound of a book hitting th...

I have been thinking a lot about family and friends that have chosen to disconnect from me. My emotions are pulling at me to reach out and make sure they’re all right. Of course, I know they either wouldn’t talk to me or they would preach to me if I called. Still, I really want to hear that they’re all right. One realization keeps me from checking on them: this is their test of faith. Whether I agree with it or not, to them, their relationship with God is on the line. I'm sure their emotions are telling them to call and check on me too. But, there is ingrained training that tells them I am an evil apostate. This is a test to see who they love more: me or their God. That puts an incredible amount of pressure on them at a time when they feel their life is at stake.  It’s like a Rorschach test. They see this as the end of the world, while many see this as a time to pull together and help. They see God’s judgment coming upon mankind, while the majority see it as a time to r...

Routine is important. We all have a usual routine that has been disrupted. But, whether we realize it or not, we are forming a new routine right now. If we’re like the majority of people, we find ourselves glued to the TV, waiting for the latest grim statistics.  However, this is the time to make a new way of life. We can choose to create something beautiful. We can begin every day by centering our focus on the desire to care for ourselves and everyone around us. We can start by making sure that our daily actions are rooted in love.  It is tempting to listen to the reports of disaster constantly. We probably do it hoping this will be the day to hear good news. We want to be present when we finally receive the release that the virus is under control and that life can return to normal. The truth is, we’re all starved for something positive.  But, we can create the positivity we desire by having a good routine. Even when the world news is bleak, if our person...

Since social distancing started I’ve noticed people have started avoiding eye contact too. Maybe I’m just noticing it in myself but, I think some of us may tend this way. It seems automatic to look down if I can’t shake someone’s hand. We need to protect ourselves and each other right now through physical distancing, not social distancing. If anything, we need our social network to be tighter and more connected than ever before, even with those we don’t know.  Not physically connecting through a handshake or hug can trigger a dangerous emotion: fear . If we’re not careful to maintain social, not physical, contact, we may lose touch with something truly important: love .  Remember, that, although it is normal to fear the virus, we don’t need to fear each other. Make eye contact, say hello, ask how people are doing. We don’t have to stop being civil and polite just because we can’t shake hands.  This is a hard kind of love. This is love that preserves li...

I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety today. The world is bleak with disease, earthquakes and the threat of war. There is a lot of anxiety over whether I’ve made a bad choice about leaving the high-control Jehovah’s Witness organization I belonged to my entire life. I feel fear and regret over my past. But, on a logical level, things are different.  True religion helps you feel stronger during crisis. False religion makes you fearful. Real spirituality expands to include others. Fake spirituality contracts to exclude. Fear is the opposite of love and any idea that promotes a terrifying view of the world cannot be based in love. Philosophies based on either outlook can be judged based on their roots: it is loving and true or it is fearful and false.  There is not going to be a perfect resolution to this crisis. It is unprecedented. But, we will get through this. It won’t be without loss or hardship. It will not be the same for any of us when this is over. But, the measu...